You’ve gotta find a thing to serve
cause life takes guts and a little verve
in serving something, you’ll brave the worst
and the gods will send a hopeful curse
to lift you while you’re meekly sitting
knowing all around is crumbling
while swirling feasts of grace start singing
“You’re the fire, life’s the kindling
burn from right within your heart
so that your smile is the highest art”
When I worked in tech, I had access to the purchase history of over 100 million people because I worked in online banking. There are and were hardly any regulations with respect to this data, not like HIPPA. I could see how many dildos you bought and how much you gamble. I never really looked because I’m not an asshole (mostly!), but I could have easily.
You need never feel alone, someone is always watching you!
I also developed a way of predicting companies’ stated quarterly revenue by analyzing the data. I’m not really a gambler, but in my opinion, the stock market is mostly rigged. Not that you didn’t know that, but the people with the data know everything. You know when you use your “club card” at the grocery store. They’re measuring you.
And typically the lab rats don’t measure the scientists.
I suspect that people think I’m slightly off and a little dogmatic. Honestly, I’ve just adapted to a hard life, and I got really scared by death and suicidality, so I have my ways of just dealing with the shitty situations in my life. They can be extreme, but my situation has been extreme. I really just want to connect with people but I’ve been plagued by disease and malapropism. I’ve been rejected and sick my whole life. I’ve always felt like an extreme outsider and it has been reaffirmed by my life. I don’t want to cry over every oppressed identity; I just want to explain to my friends why I can be odd. Being me has been hard at times, but I’ve found a life for myself. I’m happy now. I have peace.
Being roundly rejected for something over which you have no control is very challenging. But then again God or whatever runs this show thinks we might be just the people who can handle it. I don’t know. I’m just trying to connect.